Chapter 8 – Foe and Friend
Hook didn’t completely lose himself this time, and he didn’t come anywhere close to killing Pan like he wanted to. But he beat the hell out of the boy, using both fist and lash, and got some satisfaction when Pan finally passed out on the deck. Peter had barely resisted at first, as if he didn’t realized what was happening. And when he had finally come to his senses enough to realize his danger, Hook knocked him back out of them. Hook glared at the child curled up on the deck, and nudged him with his toe to make sure he was really unconscious.
He looked around and saw Mason and Smee watching. The other men were below with Jukes. “Clean up that mess,” he growled, pointing to the cannon, and walked to his quarters. The two men looked at the boy curled up by the mainmast and shrugged. They began sweeping up the shrapnel and moved the cannon out of the way. No one was terribly worried about steering the ship; they had no idea where they were or where they were going anyway. When they were done, they went back to manning the ship until the rest of the crew returned, and paid no attention to the fact that Peter was nowhere in sight.
“Come on, Billy-boy. Wake up,” came the voice in the darkness.
Billy heard, and tried to respond. He hurt all over, but continued to struggle towards the voices that he could here. They were familiar voices, friendly voices, and he wanted to wake up so he could tell them he was ok.
He groaned, and blinked when he found that he could see. “Robert?” he said weakly and tried to sit up. Mullins, Starkey and Cookson were staring at him, relief palpable on their faces.
“Now, lad. Lay back,” the man said softly and gently pushed the boy back down. “You gave us a scare, we thought you was dead. Ya just had the wind knocked out of ya though. Boy, don’t ever scare me like that again!”
“What happened? I hurt everywhere.”
“Pan sabotaged Long Tom, and it blew back on ya. Yer more’n a little singed, but no burns that’re bad enough to worry about. Yer clothes have had it though. What’s worse is the shrapnel. We got most of the pieces out, and they didn’t hit nothin’ vital. Yer burnt, bruised and cut, some cracked ribs I think. Ye’ll live, but ya ain’t gonna want ter move for awhile,” he put a cup to Billy’s lips, and made the boy drink the whiskey in it.
“I’ll kill him. No one touches Long Tom but me,” Billy muttered darkly.
“Too late lad. From the sounds of it, Cap’n Hook is killin’ ‘im for ya,” Mullins replied, looking up with a frown. He could almost feel bad for Pan, but not quite, not after this.
He picked the boy up and carried him to his bunk and watched him till he finally dropped off to sleep again. Then he rejoined the rest of the crew on the deck and started his work again.
Hook sat in his room, fuming. He was disappointed beyond belief in Peter. Everything had been going so well. The boy had been diligent in his work and enthusiastic about learning his lessons, so enthusiastic that Hook had finally decided to make the lessons a standard part of the day. I was so close, Peter was becoming mine. But he was plotting against the ship this entire time. How could I have missed it? I would have thought that I would have had some sense of his treachery.
He was trying to decide what to do with the boy now. He didn’t want to put the boy to death, he still felt an attachment, and knew that feeling Peter die would affect him badly. Hell, towards the end of the beating he had just administered, he was beginning to feel some of what he was doing to the boy, which is why he had pulled back and knocked Pan out instead of killing him. I could put him in the brig, and maroon him on the next island we come to. But they had been at sea for about a month now (time still passed strangely here, and no matter how diligent he was about recording the days, he still felt it wasn’t quite correct), and they had yet to have found land. This was bad because supplies were getting low. Two more weeks and they would have to go on half-rations. He didn’t like the idea of locking the boy in the brig for a long, unspecified length of time, but Pan could not be trusted. He couldn’t forgive the boy for his treachery, and since he couldn’t kill him, he had to put him away where he wasn’t a danger.
Suddenly, he felt a cry of pain, and a wave of dizziness overtook him. “Peter?” he whispered, and ran out onto the deck.
He looked around, first at where he had left the boy, then at the other men on deck. “Where’s Pan!” he yelled.
The other men looked up, surprised, and then glanced around in confusion. “We thought you’d taken the lad to ‘is bed, Cap’n sir,” Smee finally answered.
“No I did not. I thought one of you witless curs would have taken him below to check him over or at the least to lock him in the brig! Find that boy, now!” Hook snarled.
“He ain’t down there, sir. We were in the galley, and he couldn’a come below without one of us noticin’. When we came up, he was gone,” Mullins yelled back. Suddenly, they heard a cry from above, and looked up at the crow’s nest.
Starkey, who had been standing closest to the mainmast, gave a yell, “There’s blood on the rigging, Captain. I think he climbed up there.”
Hook fought down the second wave of dizziness, and dashed to the rigging. As quickly as he could manage, he climbed to the crow’s nest and peered over the railing.
Peter lay on his side, curled up. He was staring at the man, eyes wide in fear. Hook was confused at first, not understanding why there was so much blood on the child and in the bottom of the nest. I didn’t do anything to make him bleed like that… “You stupid IDIOT!” he screamed and jumped at the boy.
Peter didn’t resist as Hook took the sharp piece of shrapnel out of his hand. He had nowhere to go, and he didn’t care anymore. He felt light, almost like he could fly again. Maybe I was just too heavy. Now I’m lighter, so maybe I can fly. He wished he could have tried again, one last time, but now that the Captain had found him it was too late. “Maybe I can go home now,” he muttered, and giggled a bit.
Hook took Peter’s belt off and used it to cinch one of the boy’s bleeding wrists. Then he ripped a long strip of his shirt off and used it to cinch the other. “Peter, no. What have you done? Why did you do it,” he said softly as he worked.
“I killed Billy. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know. But I did it, it’s my fault. I’m sorry. I don’t want to stay here anymore,” Peter mumbled, and Hook could barely make out the words.
When he had staunched the bleeding as much as he could, Hook lifted the boy up and slung him over his shoulder. He made his way down the rigging so fast the crew thought he had jumped, but he made it safely and was running to the galley as soon as his feet hit the deck.
Jukes awoke again at the commotion in the next room. He eased himself up and limped slowly to the galley, holding the wall to keep himself up. He stopped in the doorway and was horrified to see Pan lying on the table. He could see the boy was beaten badly, and was terribly pale. Peter was awake, though, and every time he looked like he was going to drift off, the Captain shook him or pinched him to bring him back. He could see Smee and Mullins working frantically on the boy’s hands, but he couldn’t see what was wrong.
“What happened, Cap’n?” Jukes asked quietly.
“Go back to bed, Jukes. This is bad business and I don’t want you in the way. I’m not losing both of you today,” Hook ordered.
Peter’s head turned at the sound of Billy’s voice, and he smiled when he saw the gunner standing there. “Hi Billy,” Peter said weakly, “I’m sorry I killed you. I’m sorry I broke your cannon. I didn’t mean to. Wait for me and we’ll go home together.” He looked like he was going to say more, but his eyes closed and nothing Hook did would wake him up this time.
“The bleedin’s stopped, Cap’n. I don’t know if it’s in time, but he’s still alive. We have to wait and see now.” Mullins said quietly. Hook nodded, but continued to watch his boy. Mullins walked to Billy, picked him up, and carried him back to his bunk.
“Put me down, Robert. What happened?” Billy protested.
“The little fool tried to kill himself. Hook caught him in the lookout just after he done it, else he wouldn’t have lasted this long. I think the Cap’n should’a just let him alone and have at it. We don’t need that little demon on this ship, tryin’ to murder us.”
“Maybe he wasn’t trying to kill me…”
“What else would he have been doing? He put some kinda sticky mix in the cannon, molasses and some other stuff, and packed it in with sawdust. Any idiot knows ya’ can’t shoot a clogged cannon!”
“He didn’t know I was going to fire Long Tom today. Hook only told me and I only told Mason. I think he was just trying to get me back for the flag. Would’a taken me days to clean out a mess like you described.”
Mullins looked at Billy strangely, and then asked, “Who started your little war, Billy? You two were fighting it for awhile before we noticed.”
Billy looked away. “Maybe I did. I kept picking on him. He tried being friendly at first, even when he was being difficult with his nightmares. But I didn’t want to be friendly, I didn’t want him around. Somehow, we started doing little things to annoy each other, but I don’t remember who did it first. It got out of hand. Is he going to die?”
“I don’t know. He’s cut himself before, I seen the scars when we cleaned off the blood. He knew what he was doin’. But Hook found ‘im in time I think. If he makes it through tonight, he’ll make it, but it’ll be awhile before he gets his strength back. He lost too much blood.”
Later, when Jukes was asleep, Mullins found the captain in the brig. Peter lay on his cot, which Mason had brought down, with shackles on his ankles. His arms rested on a couple of pillows, so that they were a bit higher than the rest of him. Hook sat on a stool by the cot, staring at the pale child.
“You gonna keep ‘im down here?” Mullins asked as he approached.
Hook looked at the man and sighed. He looked extremely tired. “I can’t trust him. He’s not dangerous now, but I don’t know when or if he’ll recover. He tried to murder Jukes, and to kill himself. I don’t know what to do with him.”
“Well, about that,” Mullins said and scratched his head. He told Hook what he and Billy had discussed, making sure Hook realized that it could have been an accident. “He don’ know nothin’ bout cannons, ‘cept what he’s seen from us shootin’ it at him. Even had he known it was to be fired, he might not of known what would happen.”
Hook thought for awhile before he nodded. “You may be correct. The boy did seem shocked when we heard the explosion. I sincerely hope it was merely a prank gone wrong. But, we won’t know for sure for awhile. When he has recovered himself more, we will have a trial. He will explain himself, and Mr. Jukes as well. If Jukes was responsible for the matter of my standard being stolen, then he lied to me by allowing me to punish Mr. Pan. Both boys have much to answer for, and I will be getting to the bottom of it. I want them both in the brig, in chains,” Hook ordered angrily. “I will not tolerate childish games that endanger my ship or its crew.”
“Ay, Cap’n,” Mullins muttered. This wasn’t the outcome he had hoped for, but he knew better than to gainsay Hook right now. He hung a hammock on the other side of the cell and carried Billy to it. The gunner had awakened when he picked him up, and Mullins had explained to him why he was being confined.
Hook still sat by Peter when Mullins installed Billy. When he was in the hammock and his wrists manacled together, both men left them alone in the cell to rest.
Peter awoke the next day, feeling oddly well. He was tired, and he hurt all over, but it was better than how much he’d hurt when Hook had been hitting him. He looked around, not surprised to be in the brig. He saw Billy in the hammock nearby, so still and quiet that Peter at first irrationally thought the pirates had left his dead body there for him to see. But quickly Peter pushed away that thought and saw that Jukes was breathing. He could see some cuts on the boy’s face, and saw that Billy’s hair was singed. Everything else was hidden beneath the blanket.
“Billy?” Peter called softly. When he got no response, he called louder, wincing as the noise caused his head to throb. But he kept calling despite the pain. Eventually, Jukes yawned and opened his eyes. He looked at Peter and smiled.
“Yer awake. No one was expectin’ you to wake up for at least another day. How do you feel?” Billy asked.
“I feel lousy. But I guess I’ll live. You?” Peter answered.
“Well, I feel lousy too, so I guess we’re even. Smee’s gonna have to cut my hair, though, a lot of it melted in the explosion.”
“I’m sorry about the cannon, and blowing you up. I was just leaving you a present to clean up. If I had known you were going to shoot it, I would have just left the gunk in your bed.”
“Yeah, well, it’s done now,” Billy snapped, but then he relaxed and smiled ruefully. “Mason says the cannon can be fixed, I just have a lot of work cut out for me. But you, bucko, get to clean out the barrel before I start. The gunk isn’t so sticky, now that it’s been cooked, so that means you get to scrape it out.”
“If you can stand me to touch your cannon, I’ll help you fix it.”
“Why did you do it?” Jukes asked suddenly, staring at Pan intently.
“I was trying to get you back…”
“No, I mean, why did you cut your wrists to kill yourself?”
Peter frowned and stared at his wrists. “What? I don’t remember doing that. Why would I try to kill myself? I like me too much.”
“You don’t remember? How can you not remember something like that?”
“That’s what I would like to know,” came a voice from the doorway. Hook walked into the brig, followed by Smee carrying a tray with a bowl of soup on it. “Explain yourself, Pan. You nearly killed my gunner, and nearly destroyed my revenge. I would like to know what possessed you to do it.”
Peter recounted what he remembered, “You beat me, but I didn’t care about that. I thought I deserved it, for killing Billy. I woke up on the deck and I was alone. There was some shrapnel nearby, and I picked up a sharp looking piece. I felt bad for what I did; I wanted to get away from the sight of it all, and the smells. So I climbed to the lookout. It hurt to do it, it hurt to breathe, but I made it. So I went up there and went to sleep. I don’t remember anything else before waking up here,” Peter said slowly. He felt confused, and a little panicked that he would have done something like that and not know why.
Hook unlocked the cell door and Smee stepped in. “I bought ya some soup, Billy-lad. I dinna know ye’d be awake, Mr. Pan, else I’d have brought ya something ta eat, too. I’ll get ya somethin’ when I’m done ‘ere,” the bosun said stiffly. He was upset at Pan for what he did to Billy, and wasn’t sure how to act around the boy. He had heard Mullins’ explanation for what Pan had done, and if it was true, then he’d apologize to the boy later. But until then, he felt like the child had betrayed him and couldn’t find it in himself to be nice to the boy.
Mr. Pan. Peter. They all do that. I never noticed. They treat me like I’m two different people. If they get angry at me, they call me Pan. If they’re not, I’m Peter. But I’m not two people, I’m me. I wish they would hurry up and decide if I’m to be accepted or not, it will make it easier for me to decide if I want to belong, Peter thought with a sigh. It really hurt that Smee was angry with him. The bosun was his favorite person onboard, and to lose that man’s trust and affection meant that he had lost that and more with the other men.
While Smee checked on Billy and helped him down from the hammock so he could eat, Hook saw to Peter. When the man first touched him, Peter flinched and looked away. “I’m not going to hurt you, not right now,” Hook muttered so that only the boy could hear him.
Peter nodded, still looking away, but when Hook reached for him again he jumped a bit. Hook took it in stride and pretended he didn’t notice. The slashes on his wrists were not bleeding any longer, and so long as Peter did not do anything to aggravate them, they would heal without too much problem. For the most part, Peter’s other injuries were severe bruising on his chest, stomach, and arms, with a large knot on the side of his head. But as the captain tended the boy’s chest and checked on the mostly healed carving, he felt Peter’s breath hitch. He frowned and after some probing decided that Peter had a couple of cracked ribs. “You and Jukes are looking an awful lot alike right now, with the exception that he is burned and you are an idiot. But you deserved it for trying to murder a shipmate.”
“If I had wanted to kill Billy, he’d be dead right now. And I would have made sure to blow up the entire ship while I was at it,” Peter said angrily.
“Except that you cannot kill me, boy… though I wish now that the spell had a provision to keep you from doing it to yourself.”
“There’s loopholes around everything, Captain. If I wished to I could explore them to see what they are. But I don’t want to kill you or anyone else here. Besides, there’s another spell on me, older and stronger than yours.”
Hook looked at Peter speculatively. He sat the boy up carefully so that he could wrap the child’s ribs while he spoke. “I wasn’t aware that you knew about the memory spell.”
“I wasn’t aware that you knew either. I have magic in me, and I can tell when there’s magic put on me. I just never really paid attention before because it didn’t seem to matter, not until I came here.”
“What do you know about the memory spell?”
Peter sighed, then gasped as Hook pulled the wrapping tighter. “They told me the fey put it on me to protect me, that bad things had happened to me and it would hurt me if I could remember. The first thing I can ever remember is waking up. Tink was there, but I didn’t know who she was, or my own name. She told me I was Peter Pan, but for all I know I could have been anyone. Peter Pan sounded fine though, so that stayed my name. I remember…” Peter looked down and frowned then looked back up at Hook, “I had bandages around my wrists then too. But when I took them off, there wasn’t anything wrong. That’s strange.”
“Not really,” Hook said. “If you tried to kill yourself before, and the spell made you forget, then it’s not so odd that the spell might make you forget again when you tried it again.”
“But I remember everything before this time, I remember who I am. Last time, I forgot everything,” Peter said in exasperation.
“Perhaps the spell determined that you didn’t need to forget everything,” Hook reasoned. “If you tried suicide because you felt guilty, believing Jukes was dead, then when you discovered he was alive you would no longer feel compelled to kill yourself. Maybe the first time you forgot, there wasn’t anything in your past that was safe to remember, and it made you forget everything so you wouldn’t do it again,” Hook explained. He knew from Shimi’s history why Peter had tried to kill himself before, but he didn’t want Peter to have a hint of that. He didn’t want the boy breaking the memory spell and trying something like this again… Hook had nearly had a heart attack from the fear he’d felt when he had found Peter.
“I’ll go get yer soup lad, you feel up to eatin’?” Smee said from behind the Captain. Before Peter could answer, his stomach growled loudly. Laughing, Smee nodded his head and went to go fetch the boy some food.
“Can I trust the two of you to get along now and not do each other harm?” Hook said sternly. The two boys nodded and had the decency to look ashamed, so the man removed the chains from their hands and feet. “This is your sick-room for now. Thanks to Mr. Pan here, it’s a lot cleaner than it used to be, so I’m not worried about you lodging here and getting infections. You both are under arrest. Mr. Pan, the charges are sabotage, attempted murder, and attempted suicide. Mr. Jukes, you are charged also with sabotage, and with withholding evidence of Pan’s innocence in the flag incident and lying to the captain by maintaining your silence. When you both are better, you will be tried and punished,” he paused, seeing how deadly white Peter had become, and likewise saw the terror in Billy’s face.
“I know that you didn’t intentionally try to harm Jukes, Pan,” he reassured the boy, “but that doesn’t change the fact that you did. Both of you have destroyed my trust in you. Jukes, I have long considered you one of the only competent crewmen I have, and haven’t considered you a child for a long time. But I’ve been told some of the pranks you and Peter have been pulling, and I am appalled.” His face was a cold mask, but the boys could see the anger in his eyes. “Pan, you I expect to act like a child, it’s my mission in life to force you to grow up,” he smiled at the frown on the boy’s face and continued. “I had come to stop seeing you as my enemy and begun to consider you as…” he trailed off. “Anyway, boy, you’ve disappointed me deeply. I don’t know if I can trust you anymore. I may have to confine you here indefinitely.”
Peter didn’t reply, but inside he was shaking. He hated being below deck, and the thought of being down here for long made him nauseous. Hook saw the boy’s discomfort, and felt a bit of satisfaction that he had shaken him up.
All of his enjoyment disappeared when Peter looked at him, a strange light in his eyes, and spoke. “I wish you’d kill me and get it over with, Codfish. Even you can’t be evil enough to want to hurt another person as much as you’ve hurt me.”
Hook blinked, and instead of Pan, he saw the little boy lying on the cot. The bruises on his face that stood out vividly against his pale skin, and the sigil on his chest brought vivid memories to the man. They were memories of Peter crying, screaming in pain, over and over again, while he took pleasure from the torture. Hook felt bile in his mouth, disgust at himself for what he’d done. Damn it! If I had known bonding with him would give me a conscience, I never would have done it. Now I can barely live with myself for the things I’ve done.
He sat by Peter and gently ruffled the boy’s hair. Peter winced as the hand approached, expecting to be struck, and felt an odd sensation when the captain instead gave him the affectionate gesture. “Peter,” Hook said softly, “I don’t like myself when I hurt you. Yes, I’ve hurt you, and yes, I enjoyed it while I was doing it. But I regret every single time I’ve caused you pain. No matter the outcome of the trial, any punishment you receive will not entail a beating. And I certainly don’t want you dead, boy. I’ll cut off my other hand before I let you die, Peter, it would pain me less. I want to trust you. I want to teach you, I want to see you become the man you could be.” He sighed, not sure how to say what he wanted, uncomfortable expressing any emotion that didn’t strike fear in the listener’s heart.
Peter felt the warmth coming from Hook, the concern and the regret. He reached up and took the hand that now rested on his shoulder and gave the man a lopsided smile. “I think I understand. I am sorry about what happened. I don’t want to be here, but I am so I want to make the best of it. I can’t get home again, and now the Jolly Roger is my home. I don’t trust you and I hate you for what you’ve done to me. But we’re bound together, and that means something to me. I don’t know what, but because of it, I don’t want to hurt you or the crew. I’m not fighting you anymore; I haven’t for a while, so please stop fighting me. Please, Captain, help me fit in.” As he spoke, he felt a conflict well up inside. He meant every word, because he really wanted to fit in here. He needed peace in his life, he was tired of everyday feeling fear and pain and hate. Peace could be his if he could accept his new life and in turn be accepted by the Captain and the crew. But another part of him recoiled at the thought of surrendering to Hook; felt that it would be the ultimate betrayal of everything he was. But he was too tired and sick at heart to listen to the part of him that wanted to fight, so he shoved it aside and instead reached out for the man at his side.
Hook nodded, “That’s enough for me, Peter. I don’t expect you to like me, but I do expect you to obey me. I’m glad you want to fit in, it will make it better for us both.” He sensed the boy reaching for him, felt the need rolling off the child in waves. Cautiously, he reached back, and when their minds met, it was like a warm handshake: truce.
Hook and Peter pulled back and the man stood. Jukes was staring at them strangely. There’s something there between them, he thought. They seem to fit together somehow… Billy realized Hook was staring at him and he quickly finished the last few bites of his soup. “Cap’n? I’m sorry. Whatever you do to Peter, do it to me too. He wanted to make friends, but I wanted to be mean. I started this, it’s my fault.”
“Peter didn’t have to reciprocate, so he also bears some of the blame,” Hook replied. “But I appreciate your maturity in accepting your part of the blame. And you’re right, you both will receive the same punishment. But don’t concern yourself with that right now. You both are hurt and in need of healing. I don’t want either of you exerting yourselves until I give you leave. Eat your food and rest, that’s an order.”
“Ay, Cap’n,” the boys chorused. Hook helped Billy back into the hammock, and to the gunner’s astonishment, he tucked him in.
Hook winked at the boy and whispered, “Jukes, if you want to regain my trust and esteem, try to get along with Peter. I need him to get better, and he needs someone he can trust. I’ll be less likely to hurt him again if he gets along with the crew and does what he’s told.”
Billy glanced at the boy on the cot, taking in his battered condition. He no longer felt any animosity towards Peter; he’d finally seen that Peter was having a worse time of it than he himself had so long ago. He felt he had something in common with the boy and nodded at the Captain. “No problem, Cap’n,” he whispered.
Hook patted him on the head and left. Not long afterwards, Mr. Smee returned with Peter’s soup and some water. He fussed over the two boys and waited for Peter to finish.
Peter ate his soup, and even asked for seconds. While Smee was gone to get more, Jukes couldn’t stand it any longer. “How can you eat that and then ask for more? It’s all I can do to stomach Cookson’s fare the first time around!”
Peter shrugged, “Well, I’m hungry. His cooking is better than what we used to eat since none of us could cook. We mostly ate just fruits and berries. It’s not as good as Indian food, and we used to steal that a lot. On special occasions Tink could use her magic to make food. I just pretend that it tastes good, and it does.”
“You pretend it tastes good, and it does? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“I have a good imagination. That’s why the fey liked me so much I guess. Besides, it’s a useful trick for when you have no food. Sometimes the fruit isn’t in season, and the Indians are watching too well. Then we’d go a day or so with nothing to eat. So we’d pretend to have a feast, and sure enough we could see and smell and taste the food. And we ate it and we didn’t feel hungry. But it didn’t work all the time, especially if we’d been eating pretend food for awhile. This works well though, it’s real food with a pretend taste.”
“Make believe. I wish I could do that. It’s a good trick,” Billy said wistfully.
“I can try to teach you while we’re in here. I had to teach the other boys to pretend, they weren’t very good at it at first. But it’s dangerous… sometimes I forget the difference between pretend and real. You can loose yourself if you go too far, and then people say you’re crazy.”
“I’d like to learn,” Billy said quietly. He listened as Peter spoke, and tried to imagine the things the boy spoke of. He didn’t think the lessons were working, though, until Smee returned with the second bowl of soup for Peter. He could smell the aroma, and his mouth watered. Oh, wow, I’m pretending? Suddenly, the vision was gone and he smelled the same, slightly burnt smell of the soup he himself had eaten. Only Cookson could make soup that tasted burnt.
“It smelled good at first, but then it smelled bad. What happened?” Billy asked after a few minutes.
Peter had just been taking another bite, and he gagged on the mouthful. He swallowed it, and set the bowl aside. “Thanks a lot. You reminded me it was pretend. You can’t think something is real if you remember that it’s not. At least I ate half the bowl first,” he said with a smile. “But you were able to pretend for a little bit. If you practice, it will get easier.”
“Faith, if I don’ have any idea what you two are gabbin’ ‘bout,” Smee said. The two boys cracked up at the look on his face, and a sudden kinship formed. They were both children, and they both could do something they knew the other men could not. Smee didn’t understand, but he felt happy at seeing his two lads getting along. It made it easy to forgive Peter if Billy had done it, too. He left them alone to rest and went back to his duties.
The next several days were rough for Peter, and Billy’s presence was the only thing that pulled him through. He hated being kept below, the smells and the closeness of the brig racked his nerves. His nightmares worsened to the point that Hook was spending more time below at night than in his own cabin. The first night that Hook had become aware of Jukes watching him while he comforted Peter, he made it clear to the gunner that what he saw was to remain secret. Billy had no intention of telling, not only did he not want to anger the Captain, he didn’t want to embarrass Peter. Besides, as long as Peter quieted down so he could sleep, he didn’t care what Hook did.
Peter slept a lot at first, the loss of blood taking its toll on his body. But he ate well and bounced back from the ordeal with the speed only the young possess. After the first few days, Hook relented a bit and let the two boys sit on deck in their chains, to breathe the fresh air and feel the sun. It did wonders for Peter and he recovered faster, but the nights below were still a burden. Peter quit sleeping at night, unwilling to face the nightmares that he knew he’d have, so Billy would sit up with him and talk. Hook at first was angry when he saw the boys weren’t sleeping, but he calmed when he realized that with this arrangement he could get some sleep for himself. So during the day, Peter and Billy slept on deck and at night they chatted and played simple games to pass the time.
After a week and a half, they were both deemed recovered enough to face trial. Hook threw out the attempted murder charge against Peter, and the boy admitted guilt to sabotage and attempted suicide (though he still didn’t remember or understand why he would have done it). Billy admitted guilt to sabotage and framing Peter. They had to apologize publicly to Captain and crewmates, and they were given their punishments. Hook ordered (as expected) that they both would have to work together to fix the cannon. They also had to share duties for two weeks, and work together on all of the tasks. That meant twice the number of responsibilities, but half the work on each chore. It also meant that Jukes had to have lessons with Peter.
Peter wasn’t thrilled with Billy seeing how illiterate he was, but the boy only mildly ribbed him, and actually was able to help him when the captain became frustrated. Peter couldn’t read yet, but he was able to get all of his letters, and was practicing his handwriting so that he could draw them properly. He also had to learn his numbers, but it was all coming together. Writing was a fairly slow process because his wrists pained him if he used them too much. But he dug in, trying to prove that he could do it, but only because he wanted to.
Their time together in the brig and the cooperation they had to develop to do their chores helped the boys become fast friends. They regaled one another with stories of the things they’d seen and done, and shared their hopes and fears. Peter was pleasantly surprised to learn that Billy’s life, while shorter, had been just as interesting as his own. Jukes was surprised to learn that he and Peter had quite a bit in common, especially now that the boy was nearly as normal as he was. They resolved their differences, and became nearly inseparable. Peter was finally happy. He had a friend again.
“Where are you hiding it, Jukes!” Starkey yelled at the boy angrily.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about! We aren’t hiding food!” Jukes yelled back. He looked to Mullins for support, but his friend just looked at him expectantly. He doesn’t believe me, Jukes realized. That hurt him a lot, knowing that his oldest friend thought he was a liar.
Starkey lunged forward and grabbed Jukes. “You and Pan are liars. Have you joined the brat’s side now, and abandoned your shipmates?” He growled, and cocked back his fist to strike the boy.
Mullins was about to intercede at last, but Peter beat him to it. He leapt at Starkey, jumping on his back and hooking the man around the throat with his arm. He latched on with a firm grip and squeezed, choking the pirate. “Let go of him. Now,” he said flatly.
Starkey dropped Jukes and flailed at Peter, trying to break the boy’s grip. When Peter saw that Billy was away, he leapt from the man’s back and stood by Billy’s side. The two boys took up defensive stances, ready to fight together if they had to.
“What is going on here?” Hook yelled, walking up to the knot of men. He’d seen Peter aid Billy, and was angry that his men were fighting among themselves. “Mullins, explain to me why Peter was attacking Starkey.”
“Well, Cap’n,” Mullins said uncomfortably, “most of the men think the two lads are hoardin’ food and keepin’ more’n their fair share.”
“Really,” Hook growled, looking at the boys suspiciously. “Now, what makes you think that?”
“They never complain about being hungry,” Starkey answered. “They are too cheerful and energetic to be on half-rations. They make comments about how full they are and how delicious their food was, even though all we’ve had is Cookson’s stew. Meanwhile, the rest of us are hungry. A man can’t do his duty as well if he’s starving, and all of us can barely concentrate on work for our stomach pains. We ignored it at first, thinking perhaps the boys just didn’t need as much food as us. But I caught them hiding behind the barrels eating…it’s been hours since grub!”
“Peter? Billy? What do you have to say?” Hook turned to them expectantly.
“We aren’t keeping food from the men. If we had food tucked away somewhere, we’d share it,” Peter snapped, his eyes flashing in anger.
“Starkey misunderstood what we were doin’,” Billy added.
Hook watched them for a moment longer. He knew Peter was telling the truth, he could feel it. He walked to the barrels and looked behind them. There were two bowls and a pair of spoons lying on the deck. He picked one of the bowls up and inspected it carefully, then turned back to the men.
“If you saw them eating then why is this bowl empty?” Hook asked softly. He held out the bowl so that the men could look within.
“Perhaps they poured out the contents, or they were just finishing,” Starkey reasoned.
“The bowl is dry and clean, you idiot,” Hook snarled. “It hasn’t held food since the last time it was washed!”
“Captain?” Peter spoke up. He continued when the man looked at him and nodded. “Billy’s right, it was a misunderstanding. Me and Billy were playing a game. When we get really hungry, we pretend we’re eating food. It makes us forget that our stomachs hurt and that it’s going to be a long time until we can eat real food again.”
Hook sighed and handed the bowl to Peter. He saw how tired both children were, and how thin. They both have always been too thin, now I’m starving them. He couldn’t help it, though. They hadn’t come across land yet, and their food and water supplies were getting low. Hook had put the ship on half-rations nine days ago, and it was taking its toll on everyone. Even the Captain was not exempt from the cut-backs.
“Everyone back to work! Any more incidents, and no one will have any food for the rest of the day!” Hook roared, glaring at Starkey and Mullins. The crew jumped and went back to work.
Billy and Peter returned to the sailcloth they were repairing. They worked in silence for awhile, until Peter noticed Billy was crying.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned. He’d never seen his friend this upset.
“Mullins sided against me. He thought I was lying,” Billy muttered, wiping at his face. “He acts like he doesn’t trust me anymore.”
“That’s adults for you,” Peter said with a sigh. “You can’t trust them.” He realized that was the wrong thing to say when he saw Billy become even more upset. “Hey,” he said gently, putting his hand on the boy’s shoulder, “I was joking. Mullins thinks the world of you, anyone can see it. Everyone’s on edge because we’re all hungry. The men are worried that the fairies cursed the ship for murdering me, and we’re doomed to sail until we all starve or die of thirst. Hunger and fear do weird things to people. When we find land and re-supply, everyone will go back to normal.”
“You’ve lived in this place for a long time. Aren’t there other islands?”
“There’s lots of them, which is why I don’t understand why we haven’t found one yet. But it shouldn’t be long before we do.”
“Until then, I have to do my part to help my shipmates. Even if it’s drastic,” Billy whispered.
“What are you going to do?”
Billy smiled and told Peter quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear. When he was done, Peter sighed and looked at the other men working on deck. “You really think they deserve it?” Billy nodded, and Peter nodded back. “Alright, but we can’t tell. And I’ll do it too, we’re friends and we do everything together. Besides, I’m better at it than you, I’ll last longer.”
They shook on it and went back to work.
Two days later, a very woozy Peter brought Hook his supper. He set the tray down and quickly snatched up his bowl before the man could look at it. Hook looked up from his journal and greeted the boy.
“Ahh, wonderful. More gruel. Well, boy, eat up,” he said as he took his own bowl from the tray. “You have to keep your strength up.”
Peter nodded and began eating. But he was shaky and weak, and after the first few bites, he dropped his bowl onto the table, where it landed upside down.
“Odds, bobs! Boy, that’s my map you’re ruining!” Hook snarled and snatched the bowl up. He stared, confused, when he saw that there was nothing spilled. He looked into the bowl and saw that it was empty and clean. “Peter,” he said softly, “where is your food?”
Peter looked down, afraid to tell the truth. He jumped when Hook slammed the bowl onto the desk, and looked up to see the man was nose to nose with him. “I- I wasn’t hungry, so I put my share in your bowl, sir.”
“You are lying about some of that, Pan,” Hook growled, “so which part is the lie: that you’re not hungry, or that you put it in my bowl.”
Peter stared, worried, at the anger in Hook’s eyes. Realizing the man would have his answer and that his anger would be less if he told the truth, Peter answered. “I decided that you and the other men needed it more than I did, so I’ve been pretending to eat.”
Hook stared at the boy in disbelief. “You’ve been pretending to eat? I thought that was your silly game with Jukes!”
“It was, until we saw how hungry everyone else was that day. I only eat breakfast for real now, and only half my share then. The rest I put in your bowl or in someone else’s if I can slip it in.” He saw Hook’s expression change from disbelief to fury, and tried to soothe the man. “It’s okay, though. I pretended to eat lots of times in Neverland when there wasn’t food. It’s real to me, and I don’t usually feel hungry anymore afterwards. And it’s really easy to do, Billy learned real quick…” he stopped suddenly, afraid that Hook picked up on his slip.
Hook had, and he grabbed Peter painfully by the arm. “Has Mr. Jukes also been pretending to eat so that he could give his rations away?”
Peter clamped his mouth shut, preferring to get in worse trouble with his silence than to cause any for Billy. Hook took the boy’s silence as affirmation, and dragged him out onto deck.
“ALL HANDS ON DECK, NOW!” he bellowed at the top of his lungs. The entire crew, who had just been settling down for supper, quickly rushed to the deck and lined up before their captain. They saw Peter, wincing at the grip on his arm, and figured they were to witness the boy being punished again.
“Mr. Jukes,” Hook growled, “how was your supper?”
“Cap’n?” Billy gasped, fear clawing through his heart. “I- uh, I mean, I hadn’t started eating yet. I was helping Cookson dole out rations.”
“I’m sure you were,” Hood said mildly. He shoved Peter to the deck before him, and motioned for Jukes to stand with his friend. “Men, it seems that these two boys have been skipping meals so that they could put their share of their rations into everyone else’s dishes. How long have you two been doing this and how often?”
“W-we’ve been doing it for only two days, sir,” Jukes stammered. “We eat our proper breakfast, then we skip meals for the rest of the day.”
“Really? Pan told me that he’d been eating half his share at breakfast,” Hook growled, thinking that Billy was padding the truth.
Billy looked at him oddly, then looked at Peter, who was still sitting on the deck, rubbing his arm. “Peter?” he said softly.
“I’ve been giving you half my breakfast, Billy,” the boy said softly.
The other pirates stared at the two boys, shocked. “And here we’ve been whining about being hungry, and the two lads were giving us their food,” Mullins growled. He was angry at the boys for not eating, but he was angry at himself for not noticing.
“Well, men,” Hook called out, “I can think of only one punishment to fit this crime. Cookson, gather everyone’s supper, and whatever is left in the pot. Smee, fetch my own bowl from my room. Bring it all here. The two lads have skipped their meals to feed us, so we shall all skip our meal to feed them.”
He looked around, expecting complaints from the crew. But the men all nodded, and the only complaints came from the two boys. He cut off their protests angrily and everyone waited for the food to be brought up. Cookson set the pot down before the captain and he handed the boys two bowls and two spoons.
“Now,” Hook said grimly, “you both will fill your bowls and eat. All of us will stay here and watch you, to make sure you do eat. You will eat seconds and thirds and however much until that pot is empty. I want you to remember this lesson the next time you think to skip meals. And if I catch either of you pretending to eat again, you both will suffer this punishment. I don’t care how real pretending is to you, it is no substitute for real food!”
So the Captain and crew watched silently as the two boys ate. Peter and Billy both were starving, but even so it was too much food for them to eat alone. At one point, Peter thought he would throw up, but he fought it down. Food was scarce enough without him wasting it like that. Without even discussing it, both boys decided to never pretend to eat again. There were still a few bowls worth of food left in the pot when they gave up eating. Hook wouldn’t hear of it at first, wanting to make them finish it off. But when the two boys began crying, their stomachs too full and them trying to eat anyway, he relented, remembering they were too small to hold as much as he or another grown man could. The rest of the meal was divided among the crew (though neither Mullins nor Hook took any), and the boys were sent to bed.
Peter lay in his cot, miserably full and upset. Hook decided to turn in, himself, too hungry to concentrate on his logs. He heard the boy whimpering, and looked at him critically.
“Pan?” he called.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Peter moaned.
“Sit up, then. It’s harder on your stomach if you lay down too soon after eating. Wait about an hour, then lay down,” he sighed and reached for their book. “Come sit by me, I’ll read more of our story while we wait.”
“Are you still mad at me?” Peter said softly as he tentatively approached the man.
Hook shook his head and helped the boy settle in the bed beside him. “No, I’m not. I understand why you did it, and it’s admiral that you and Jukes would be so selfless on behalf of your shipmates. But,” he added, “at the same time, you both were being underhanded about the whole thing. And no grown man wants to realize that a child not even half his size is sacrificing for him. It should be the rest of us that goes hungry to make sure you and Billy are eating.”
“But the ship needs you more,” Peter began, but Hook cut him off.
“Peter, you and Billy are growing boys,” he snapped. He saw the flash of Peter’s eyes and chuckled, “you are growing. Mr. Smee is already considering letting your clothes out a bit. But if you are to grow to your full potential, you have to eat. It’s bad enough you aren’t getting the nutrition you need, subsisting on ship’s food. It’s worse if you aren’t eating at all. You won’t get your full height, and you could have health problems later. The men and I are done with growing, so it’s not as bad for us.”
Peter felt a bit worried about the threat of having health problems. “I didn’t know that not eating could make you sick. I don’t want to be sick anymore.”
“Don’t fret about it,” Hook consoled him, “you didn’t go without for long enough to hurt you much. But don’t ever do it again.”
“I won’t, sir, I promise. Will you read to me now?”
Smiling at the precocious boy, Hook opened the book and began to read aloud.